Talking about money with your adult children has never been easy. Even in close families, it’s one of those topics few want to bring up. However, avoiding the conversation can lead to misunderstandings, unspoken expectations, and added stress.
Discussing money can strengthen relationships. It reduces uncertainty and makes it easier to plan for the future. The idea isn’t to sit down for one big, intimidating talk. It’s to build an ongoing dialogue—simple, honest check-ins that help everyone feel informed and supported.
This is how families create stability, confidence, and a shared understanding of what comes next. But before diving into this conversation as a family, it helps to understand why the landscape has shifted and why these talks matter more than ever today.
Why This Conversation Looks Different Today
For many parents, the transition to an “empty nest” isn’t as clear-cut as it used to be. Some of your children may be well into adulthood, while others are still in school—and today’s financial landscape affects all of them. According to Pew Research, 57% of young adults ages 18 to 24 now live with their parents, and 44% say they’ve needed financial help in the past year. Even among 25- to 34-year-olds, 18% still live at home because it helps them stay afloat financially, even if it complicates other parts of life. [1]
And the pressure they’re under is real. According to a Bank of America survey, more than half of Gen Z don’t pay for their own housing, pointing to high living costs and limited income as barriers to saving, building credit, or moving out on their own. [2]
All of this has reshaped what financial independence looks like today. It’s time to toss the old script of “you’re on your own now” as a default.
Supportive parents don’t foot the bill, carte blanche. You’re being most supportive when you encourage ongoing conversations rooted in transparency, partnership, and shared expectations. This is true whether your children are 15, 25, or 35.
If you’re looking for a simple way to get clearer about your own goals before talking with your kids, our free Financial Life Planning Webinar can help. It walks you through the common pitfalls families face and offers guided exercises to begin organizing your plan with confidence.
Make It a Partnership, Not a Lecture
Nobody wants to be lectured or forced to listen to a “back in my day” speech. Even with all the wisdom you’ve gained, this conversation works best when you approach it as a partnership. That means listening just as much as you talk and taking their real circumstances into account.
Yes, the financial foundations are the same, but the world they’re navigating has changed. Invite their questions and perspectives, explain your reasoning, and set clear boundaries around what you can and can’t help with.
How to Start the Conversation and Keep it Going
Starting the conversation can be the hardest part, which is why we always say timing matters just as much as the message. Look for calm, low-stakes moments—a relaxed dinner, a quiet walk, a slow weekend morning, or even a careful check-in during the holidays can work if you tread lightly.
The idea is to create space for honest dialogue.
Avoid surprising your kids with a heavy topic in the middle of a busy day or calling them out of the blue with something that feels urgent. Ease in gradually, and share your financial reality in simple, human terms without overloading or apologizing. You’re setting the stage, not delivering a dramatic announcement.
Once you open the door, let life’s transitions guide deeper conversations.
- When a child heads off to college or begins launching, talk about budgets, expectations for support, part-time work, and early financial habits.
- As they transition into adulthood, topics like rent, credit, insurance, savings, and boundaries around subsidies naturally surface.
- Marriage brings opportunities to discuss financial compatibility, family values, and whether you expect a prenup.
- Buying a home invites conversations about gifts versus loans, documentation, and fairness across siblings.
- The arrival of grandchildren makes planning for education, legacy, and the next generation feel timely and meaningful.
You’ll cover heavy topics, but starting early and weaving them into your journey together makes everything easier. Life is unpredictable. You’ll be glad you began these conversations long before they’re urgent.
Encourage Independence While Being Honest About Support
One of the most valuable things you can give your adult children isn’t financial help; it’s financial confidence. And developing financial skills doesn’t stop at 18.
- College-aged kids (18–24) are still learning how to budget, prioritize spending, work part-time, use credit wisely, and save even small amounts.
- Young adults (22–30) benefit from conversations about building a safety net, understanding insurance, separating needs from wants, and creating realistic budgets.
- Older adult children may need guidance on investing basics, retirement planning, tax implications, and household planning.
At every stage, emphasize financial values—responsibility, generosity, long-term planning—rather than just focusing on numbers.
To help spark these conversations in a meaningful way, download our Three Questions Worksheet. It’s a simple tool your children can use to clarify their goals, mindset, and financial priorities before they make big decisions.
At the same time, today’s financial pressures mean many adult children rely on their parents longer than anyone expected. That makes it especially important to be honest about the support you can offer and the support you can’t (or won’t) offer. It’s also important to distinguish between temporary help and long-term subsidizing of their lifestyle.
Be candid about how ongoing assistance affects your own retirement, stress levels, or quality of life. If support becomes enabling—fueling debt cycles, repeated “emergencies,” or unhealthy habits—it may be time to set clearer boundaries.
Consider attaching structure or accountability to larger help, such as written agreements or repayment plans. Small failures early often prevent bigger failures later, and navigating challenges with your guidance is what ultimately builds financial resilience. “Mom and Dad to the rescue!” is creating a false superhero status you don’t want.
What to Do If Your Child Needs More Support Than You Expected
Even the most responsible adult children can hit rough patches, and today’s financial pressures mean some may need more support than you ever planned for. If your child moves back home or leans on you for extended help, you’ll need to address the issue and put some structure around it.
Start with clear expectations around rent, chores, timelines, and what you will and won’t cover financially. Have open conversations about the trade-offs involved, your family’s long-term goals, and what independence should look like while they’re under your roof. Encourage them to build stability—budgeting, saving, applying for jobs, or strengthening their financial habits—while they have a safety net.
When a child is struggling, ask how long they expect to need help and put the ownership on them to create a plan. Before you commit to anything, calculate what you can realistically afford without jeopardizing your retirement or quality of life. If necessary, make payments directly to landlords or service providers, and be cautious of repeated “emergencies” that signal unhealthy patterns.
Remember, boundaries don’t mean you love them less. Taking a stand protects your future, your marriage, and your relationships with all your children. Support works best when it empowers them to stand on their own, not when it unintentionally keeps them stuck.
Preparing Your Children Now to Help You Later
Just as your adult children may rely on you, there may come a time when you’ll rely on them. The most caring thing you can do now is prepare them. That means sharing key financial information gradually so they aren’t left scrambling in an emergency.
- Start with the basics: your sources of income, savings, debts, and retirement plans, as well as your preferences for aging and long-term care.
- Make sure they know where to find important documents—wills, trusts, insurance policies, powers of attorney, and healthcare directives—and keep a list of contacts for your advisor, attorney, and accountant.
- Take time to organize your estate: inventory accounts and assets, update beneficiaries, outline digital passwords, and communicate your preferences clearly.
Introducing them to your financial advisor early helps build familiarity and reduces anxiety later.
To make this easier, download our Financial Blueprint Worksheet. It helps you organize your accounts, documents, and key information in one place so your children know exactly where to turn when they need to help you.
It’s also important to discuss your thought process when it comes to roles you expect each person to play, inheritance decisions, and your philosophy on fairness. For example, one child may have caregiving responsibilities, and another may have unique circumstances that require different treatment. Sharing the reasoning behind your choices now can prevent confusion and resentment later.
Preparing your children equips them to help you and honor your wishes when the time comes, without scrambling amid a chaotic situation or while grieving.
You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
At the end of the day, modern families need modern money conversations. Times have changed, and open communication is no longer optional; it’s essential for clarity, confidence, and long-term peace of mind. A financial advisor can help make these discussions easier by acting as a neutral guide, offering structure and objectivity, and helping your adult children build healthy financial habits of their own.
You don’t have to tackle everything at once. Start with one small conversation and build from there. Each step creates more understanding and less stress for everyone involved.
If you’d like help preparing your plan or guiding your family through these conversations, we’re here to support you every step of the way.
Sources:
1. https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2025/04/17/the-shares-of-young-adults-living-with-parents-vary-widely-across-the-us/
2. https://newsroom.bankofamerica.com/content/dam/newsroom/docs/2024/BofA_BMH_GenZsurvey%202024%20Report.pdf
This material has been edited with the assistance of artificial intelligence tools. The information presented is based on sources believed to be reliable and accurate at the time of publication. This material is for educational purposes only and does not necessarily reflect the views of the author, presenter, or affiliated organizations. It should not be construed as investment, tax, legal, or other professional advice. Always consult a qualified professional regarding your specific situation before making any decisions.